After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
