is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
