hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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