Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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