I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
