I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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