First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
