I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
