Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
