Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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