I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
