i don't like sucking hair
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
