Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
