There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
