i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
