you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
