I bet he comes in French.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
