I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
