my phone needs a breathalizer
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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