8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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