Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
