Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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