the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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