If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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