did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
