soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
