So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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