I've blown a few things in my day
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
