Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
