i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
