The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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