guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Of course I have a pirate flag
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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