I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
