You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
