Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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