At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
