people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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