so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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