Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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