She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
