we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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