I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
