it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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