Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
