did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
