His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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