at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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