you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
