I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
