I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
