he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
