Duck Duck Cougar?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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