I'm jealous of your bromance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
