i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His nipple licking is glorious
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