hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
